i need you to do a little game-testing for me, bc if i send it to anyone else i'm going to be asked if i'm doing fine and if i've been eating lately. i have been btw.
just tell me if this is any good and if there's any bugs i should be worried about.
[attached: ashesofdestiny.exe
Dramatic as the title is, the game's narrative is not unfamiliar: it's about a Chosen One, in the aftermath of defeating an ancient monster and bringing back the sunlight, finding themselves at a loss for what to do now and delving into the ancient monster's mysterious origins, as well as helping their friends slowly recover after all the horrors of their journey. More than anything, it's a short, atmospheric kind of game, dwelling on the question of "now what?"
It's also buggy as all hell. Noctis clearly coded this together out of spare assets, duct tape, and too many Monster cans.]
You know, Noctis, you saying that you’re going to be asked if you’re doing fine really isn’t a confidence booster like you think it may be.
[Still, to say that Phainon is excited to try this out is essentially an understatement. He’d gotten a computer within the past week, so he’s more than eager to try and see what this demo has to offer. So he downloads the demo and lets it load right onto his screen...
And that’s where the problems begin.
The game freezes at first in trying to even load into the screen, causing Phainon to end it with the task manager. After that, he tries again, and the same thing happens, causing a bit of annoyance on his end. The next bright idea is to try and run the demo in Administrator mode, which lets the window actually come up and show the opening sequence of the menu… and then promptly crashes right after. Trying any other method has the program continue to crash on his computer, until Phainon finally gives up, exhaling before he texts Noctis with the results.]
More than once. Tried opening it and it crashed twice before I even hit the menu. I even went the "Open as Administrator" option, which had it get to the opening-
ok. give me a few hours i know how to fix this. it's happened before.
[Sure enough, in a few hours, just before lunch, a new version of the game drops into Phainon's inbox. It's now working well enough to run mostly smoothly barring a few glitches (18), but nothing that crashes the game.]
text, un: polemos / post no good very bad beach episode
[Somehow, the request is familiar to Phainon, in more ways than Mydei may realize. It brings to mind a recollection of older memories, when Mydei and he would spend time together, or spar, or sometimes just end up bantering for the sake of being in each other's company. It was easier, back then— a time where he could laugh or be happy in a world that didn’t want to fall apart at the flick of a wrist. A time before the cycle had to repeat itself and everything went to hell, just as it always did.
The Deliverer has to stare at the text for a moment, both curious and also a little confused as to the sudden request. But there's been no indication that anything is wrong, so he won't worry… much, at least.]
Sure. I'll be there. See you then.
[Unlike before, the Deliverer refuses to put himself into a place of complete fear and worry, and instead trusts that Mydei has a reason he wants him there at that time. He puts his concern aside and keeps himself busy, being sure to rest enough that he won't be chastised much if asked how long he slept.
Thankfully, the time passes quickly, and despite himself, he can’t help but arrive at the harbor just before dawn, as expected. Some things he just cannot change— being an early riser is one of them. The harbor's horizon is quietly painted a dark blue, and only the very very first signs of the morning are touching the edge like being kissed by the sun. He knows he won’t have to wait long.
And so it goes, with the light’s first rays touching the sky, that he sees Mydei. Phainon’s face lights up in seeing him, and he approaches with haste.]
Hey. I’m here. [He can’t help the smile that slowly comes to his face at seeing the other.] You wanted to see me?
[ his shoulders relax at the sound of Phainon's footsteps entering his ears, bringing forth memories of meeting at the first rays of Entry Hour atop Okhema's rooftops and sparring until the sun reached it's zenith in the sky and the baths that would be taken no long after that would result in another contest. they are memories that make his chest tighten, his breath catch in his throat, memories he would rather indulge in than the blood soaked ones he had all been forced to remember.
tilting his head toward the white haired man Mydei exhales a breath through his nose, eyes opening to glance over at him. a mistake, that, as the sun's first rays catch Phainon's hair in a manner that makes him all but crowned by heavenly light. dammit. ]
I did, I do.
[ how does he begin? he knew he wanted to see Phainon in person but beyond that? he had not thought that far, his mind still shaking off the fog that had enveloped it. if anyone where to be able to clear it swiftly, it would be Phainon. ]
Do you remember our daily matches atop Okhema's rooftops? I'd see them begin again else you lose what skill you may have in this life.
[In some ways, he’s reminded of the quiet mornings where he’d wake early and run in the few pale rays of dawn alongside Okhema’s horizon, like a lifeline finding itself revitalized with every step Phainon takes. Here, the harbor isn’t quite as familiar, but it’s starting to feel more like a home the longer he spends among Kaisou’s people. It’s nice to find a sense of peace again, really, when so much of his world went upside-down after he was frozen for the last four years.
Watching the other turn to him has the Deliverer pause, of course- and even start a little in surprise when he’s asked about sparring again. But truthfully, Phainon can’t help the laugh that comes right after, amusement and joy clear in his face.]
Of course I do. We’d spar so often people got used to hearing us clash and not worry about it anymore. [A beat, and he huffs in amusement.] But you want to go back to that? I’m more than game, Mydei. Better hope you can keep up, though.
["Gotten off on the wrong foot" certainly is a way to say "I screwed up majorly and made you upset, and I'm sorry." At least, it seems that way, to Phainon.
The message comes unexpectedly, and for the first time in a long while, the Deliverer has to sit with it and truly sort out his feelings. He knows it's childish, to act this internally hurt about not being told Anaxa was here. He knows his reaction about all of this has not been him at his best behavior in front of the people he loves. But in some ways, he feels like he's being left to the side, or not cared for, from the two people he has cared so deeply about in his past life, that he doesn't know how else to handle it.
So to see this message at least connect to where the hurt starts... it's manageable. Phainon can ignore the pain and see if talking with Anaxa might make things a bit more understandable for him overall. The reply comes quickly after that.]
Of course, professor. Is there any place that you have in mind?
[ He... wasn't sure what he expected to happen, when he sent that message. The lack of a prompt response from Phainon sets him on edge, and his nerves don't settle until something finally comes back through. ]
I've nothing particular in mind, no. I haven't had terribly many occasions to familiarize myself with the local offerings yet.
Perhaps we can meet at that park... and you can show me some place that you like to go to.
[ It's not weird. Is it? Just asking Phainon to take his professor to his favorite restaurant or coffee shop or what have you? Anaxagoras doesn't think about such things. He wants to understand what Phainon is feeling right now, and how he can set things to rights. That's all that matters to him. ]
Obviously you'll need a guide to learn the best spots, Kaisou has a lot of them.
[Phainon knows normally he'd be beyond the moon, but the feeling is dampened a little by recent events. He exhales, trying to push past the feelings of hurt and realizes, in someways, that Anaxa is trying to give him an olive branch.
(Unfortunately, the fact that he recognizes it for what it is... doesn't really make him feel much better.)
Regardless, he isn't one to turn away someone he loves so easily.]
Oh, the coffee shop by my apartment? I'd be glad to take you there, yeah!
[Better for him to be open and listen to whatever Anaxa has to say, and maybe even sort out his own jealousy in the process.]
[ Phainon's words do not betray how he feels. Anaxagoras is all too used to this from him, over millions of lifetimes. It doesn't make it any less frustrating when trying to find the best way to soothe him. ]
A coffee shop? Yes, I think that will do nicely.
Provided I can find my way there without too much trouble, that is.
[ Or he can simply wander the city until he finds his way into the park. Hopefully Phainon lives near the one that's a little more landscaped, and not the one which houses the dromas. He doesn't want to walk all that way, even if he loves to visit the dromas... ]
[Despite his living over 33 million lifetimes, he has always worn his heart on his sleeve. Nothing will ever change about that, no matter how long it will be, or how many new lives he'll live. He will never lose that one core piece of himself ever again, if he can help it.]
That works, then!
[Though that second part does make him pause, thinking.]
Where are you coming from? I can help you get there, I've been awake since August. I know the city pretty well.
I’ve spent this past month staying with Mydeimos, at his insistence. I was doing perfectly fine on my own, and yet...
[ That’s a bold-faced lie. He was wandering the city talking to himself and being chased by geese. ]
I’m not certain that that makes things any easier for you. Please don’t think too much of it. This was a matter of convenience more than choosing favorites.
[Even a phrase as short as that says multitudes. Anaxa did soften the blow, but it was still a blow nonetheless. Phainon stares at the message once, then twice, then several more times, unsure of how to even start again with any words at all.
Anaxa has been staying with Mydei. For a month. And neither of them had thought to tell him that Anaxa was in Kaisou, let alone living with Mydei at all. Not even once. It hurts. It hurts even with the concern to make the information easier to swallow. And he's certain that his beloved professor knows that this admittance will not make anything easier to take, compared to what he already has.
...so far, his reawakening into this life in Kaisou has had plenty of drawbacks.
It takes him a while to find anything to say to Anaxa, at that. More than ten minutes, as he types out words, then deletes them; types them out again, reads over it and then deletes them again. Nothing he says seems like the right thing to say- too upset, too emotional, too angry, even too withdrawn to make it seem like a fair conversation for the other.
Finally, he just decides to push past it. Any kind of response to how the both of them could have left him behind, or not considered him at all? It just comes across as jealous and selfish, and Phainon won't have that.]
That's fine. [It's not fine. But he can lie for the sake of holding face, he's had to do that since forever.] Actually, let me come get you, and we'll walk to the cafe together. It'll be quicker that way!
He can tell that that was a mistake immediately, by the long lapse in Phainon's answers. Knows he's screwed up--though hopefully not irreparably. Is it so wrong that he'd taken the offer of a place to stay? Not on its own, no. But to take the offer from someone else Phainon is close to... and for him to find out this way...
Curse every last thing that calls itself a higher power. Why must it be so difficult to navigate the maze of human emotions? ]
That gives me the time to find a coat warm enough to fend off this infernal chill. If I had known it would get this cold here, I might have stayed in that burning simulacrum.
[ He means the labyrinth, of course... and its recreation of the fallen Grove. ]
[The worst part for Phainon is that he knows none of this was done maliciously. That Anaxa did not purposely avoid him for a month, only lost himself to an entire new world and all the wonders that that would entail. That Mydei would never purposely keep this from him, because he knows how important Anaxa is to Phainon.
...He just doesn't know how to not feel somewhat betrayed by this. Like he's an afterthought, in some way. It's a mess. Phainon scrubs his face a little and reads what Anaxa has sent, pushing air through his teeth as he gets his own jacket.]
It won't take me long to get there, at least? So we won't be in the cold for very long.
[But that last part...]
Burning simulacrum... the Grove? You were in the Grove, professor?
I have to say, it was rather jarring to go from the relative utopia of the Eternal Page to... that. I can't say which cycle, or what time period it might have been drawn from. Only that the whole of the Grove was aflame, and I was alone.
[ As he writes, he's already searching the house for a coat to borrow. It likely ends up being the same one he was offered on the previous excursion out of the house, heavy and dark and altogether much too large for his slender frame. It was... decent enough, then, so it should do for now.
With that coat secured in place around him, he'll make his way outside to wait for Phainon. Or.... to the foyer, at least. ]
[Phainon remembers the glimpses he's had of something akin to that. It's only small pieces in the 20,000 lives he can hold onto, but he has enough of an idea of how uncomfortable and terrifying that must have been, to go through.]
A labyrinth, sounds like. I remember talking about those when I was with the Order.
Be there soon!
[Doesn't really expand on that, at least not now. But he plans to, when he meets up with Anaxa.
Sure enough, though, Phainon arrives promptly at Mydei's place, in a thick coat with a hood over his head. Everything looks rather normal- except for the very obvious white fluffy tail that wags lazily back and forth behind him.
Someone got "gifted" with becoming part dog. He grins at seeing Anaxa, tail moving faster, and walks right up to him.]
[ Anaxa has far too many questions for Phainon by the time he stops answering altogether. What do you mean, ‘a labyrinth’? What do you mean you remember hearing about them? Like it’s the most casual thing in the world?? Is that NORMAL??
Unfortunately, all of those questions have to be saved for the moment his favorite student arrives in person. And in that moment, after spending several terribly long seconds staring at the wagging tail sticking out behind him (as though Anaxa is any better, now), he finds his tongue and starts off sharply. ]
I demand an explanation. Begin with what, exactly, a labyrinth is, and what purpose it serves. Is it yet another “typical” feature of this world? Are all travelers accosted by visions of their worst memories upon arriving here?
[Hearing Anaxa demand so many questions of him actually causes Phainon to pause- but not because of the questions. Rather, it's the fact that his professor has bunny ears sitting on his head, as if he's always had them in every cycle of Amphoreus.
...that is way too cute, actually. It causes Phainon to laugh a little, brow raising, before he moves and scoops Anaxa out from under his feet... and directly into a princess carry.]
I could tell you the answers, Professor, but I think we'd be better sitting down in the cafe, with something warm to drink first.
[Is he going to carry Anaxa there this way?? Hello????????]
[ Not only the ears, either, ohhhhh no. There are also antlers budding from the top of his head, still covered in a layer of velvet as a young buck's might be. That does nothing to help the impression that he is cute.
... Nor does the startled noise that slips out when Phainon scoops him up off the ground like a madman!!! In his bewilderment, he flails a bit, then hurriedly wraps his arms around his former student as though afraid that he may be dropped. ]
Phainon--!! Put me down this instant! I'm perfectly capable of walking on my own!
[ Don't mind the faint gold dusting his cheeks. It's probably from the cold. Yeah. ]
[The antlers will be fiddled with once they're in a warmer place, Phainon partially mesmerized by Anaxa's indecent squawk and the way he clings to him. Instead, he grins, ignoring his beloved professor's order, and just huffs.]
Hold on, we'll be quick to get there.
[And off he goes, speed incredibly quick, but nothing too ridiculously fast that Anaxa can't handle. It cuts down their travel time immensely, and Phainon doesn't stop until he's right outside the door of the cafe.]
[ All Anaxa can do is cling tightly to Phainon as he just-- he-- he just-- runs??? to the cafe??? The professor won't admit to being maybe a little put-off by the whole endeavor, only for the sheer fact that a collision at this speed would likely do serious harm to one or both of them--
--and then they arrive. Like nothing happened. Anaxa does not loosen his death grip on Phainon for quite a while, even then. ]
I... I can't... believe that you would do such a thing, put me down, right now.
[It takes a little longer than normal to get a reply, but thankfully, nothing is wrong. Phainon replies as quickly as he can, sending rapid responses back almost immediately within the hour.]
[ for a moment, a very brief moment, worry snakes it's way into the back of his mind. has he gotten himself into trouble? considering the person Phainon is he wouldn't be surprised if he had. but that worry quickly vanishes when the text come through. ]
You have a job? And here I thought all that you did all day was bask in the sun.
[ be nice, Mydei. ]
We need to talk. In person preferably. Lets meet at your place.
[Getting that response actually causes Phainon to snort back his own laughter on his side of the conversation. He's fully seated now in a chair and is typing back a mile a minute.]
Ha, ha. Yeah, I do- I work security for one of the admin buildings in the middle of the city. It pays well and I get to keep myself busy, so I don't mind it.
[Mydei, being nice with Phainon? Debatable.]
I don't have anywhere to be today, so that works. Do you want me to meet you somewhere first or should I wait for you here?
[Mydei may not be able to see it, but Phainon's tail is wagging at the thought alone.]
Will do.
[Mydei hardly ever calls Phainon by his actual name, so he knows this is important. He's curious, honestly, of what all this is about- though he hardly doubts it's because something is wrong. The conversation would be far, far different if it was.
So there he waits, in his condo, the place recently cleaned and ready for whatever Mydei may be bringing with him. Both his ears and his tail are maybe a little to apparent in how excited he is at Mydei visiting his home, and even Snowy can tell Phainon is excited too.]
[ he's true to his word, arriving at the condo little more than twenty minutes later with a couple of knocks. it's the only warning the other man gets before Mydei lets himself in, wholly unsurprised that the door is unlocked in preparation for his arrival. he casts a smile at Phainon as he turns his attention to Snowy, bending down to greet the dog with an affectionate pat. it's the rule, the unspoken rule, that he must greet Snowy before he does anything else!
duty completed his gaze flicks up to Phainon, to the ears poking out of that mess of hair, and the tail wagging behind him. had he been doing that the whole time? ]
I want to talk to you about Anaxagoras. [ inhale. ] And about my intentions regarding this relationship.
[The good thing is that Mydei is punctual- not that Phainon would ever doubt that that wasn't the case, but there's something comforting in learning that some habits don't change. Even in Okhema, their sparring was one they were sure to keep on time, and always in a rhythm. Seeing him arrive just makes Phainon's heart swell in delight, so so glad to see the man he loves once again so close to him.
Meanwhile, Snowy happily does a little jog at seeing Mydei, offering him a rumble of excitement, followed by a small chuffed bark. One of his favorite people is here!! The pets are incredibly well received, and Mydei is left to continue his conversation with Snowy's owner.
The subject, though, is not what Phainon is expecting to hear.]
...About the professor? [One of his ears lays flat while the other perks right up, and Phainon tilts his head. About Anaxa and their relationship...?] I'm listening.
[ Mydei remains stood, arms crossed across his chest as he tries to find the right words. it has been months of dancing around the thing that is so clearly hovering between them. touches in the midst of sparring, the new years kiss. this thing between them has been given no name, being barely acknowledge, and now that Anaxa is here and Mydei desires more than anything to hold him so painfully close. he needs to address it. ]
I care for you, desire you. That much should be obvious by this point. [ his gaze falls on a place just over Phainon's shoulder. ] You haven't approached me because you weren't certain whether or not my heart beats the same as yours. For a while I wasn't certain if what I felt was really me, or if it was memories from previous lives influencing my heart. Only recently have I realized they are one in the same.
[ he shifts his weight, taking another steady breath in. here comes the hard part. ]
It is because of that realization, because I care for like I do that you should hear this. I desire Anaxagoras just as I desire you, Phainon.
[He listens, blue eyes attentive and on Mydei as he speaks. When there's an acknowledgement of the unspoken love between them, Phainon can't help but smile softly.]
I didn't want you to feel as if you were forced into anything. [A beat.] This is a whole new life for us both, you know? I wanted you to live how you wanted to, without me pushing anything.
[But the last part of Mydei's admittance causes the Deliverer to pause, mulling over the words and parsing them enough so he can understand.]
...You like both of us? [???????????????????????????????????????????
Phainon isn't complaining, he's simply trying to piece together what Mydei is saying. The way his face twists between surprise, a little disbelief, then to confusion- before it seems like something begins to click.]
And... you want both of us. [Closer. He frowns, just a little. Almost there-] .........you can do that?
[ it's only then that Mydei properly looks at Phainon, his expression a mixture of exasperation and surprise. did the man really think you were limited to only one lover? sure, many people in this day and age take only one person for the majority of their life, but is it so odd to want more? ]
Despite what some would say, there is no rule limits you to only one partner. If your heart beats like theirs, the only thing stopping you from pursing that happiness is you. [ Mydei crosses the floor to stand in front of Phainon, arms hanging at his sides as he look over the white-haired man. ] If this changes how to you see me... I will understand.
[Phainon has never truly had a look on relationships beyond it simply being tied to one person. His parents, both in this life and the last, were together and that was that. No third person, no extra interested party. For all that he’s known, a relationship should just be two people.
Or so he thought.
But now that Mydei’s told him otherwise, there’s something that sparks to life inside him. His tail wags energetically, and Phainon shakes his head.]
No, no— not at all, Mydei. I just... [He laughs a little, one hand casually going to Mydei’s cheek. His blue eyes are brighter than ever.] I don’t have to choose. I can have both.
[The concept is so new it almost startles him that he’s even allowed to have it. After so many memories of so many cycles where he suffered to keep others safe, a life where he isn’t required to give so much for others seems almost like a dream. He’ll take it for everything it’s worth.]
[ Mydei leans into the touch instinctually, eyes searching Phainon's face for something he isn't quite sure of. the man doesn't leave him searching for long, his laughter followed by the realization makes the Kremnoan huff and shake his head. 'i can have both'. how foolish of him to think he ever had to choose, that any of them any had to choose. that he could want something for himself rather than give all of himself for others. ]
So you desire him also? [ how comically that they find themselves wanting the same person as much as each other. ] I shouldn't be surprised. I remember how you spoke of him, how you looked at him. It was the same kind of heat I saw in your eyes when you looked at me.
[ a shiver runs down his spine at the memory, brilliant blues looking at him with barely contained desire. ]
[This... this is familiar. This is home. The way Mydei leans against his touch, the way they speak, how they both understand each other in a way that requires little to no words. The sacrifice and the burdens they carried back then, now no longer with them in this life.
Maybe one day he'll stop thinking he still has to carry as much as he had, back then.]
I— [Phainon looks a bit embarrassed before he shakes his head and laughs at Mydei's statement.] I've been fond of him, no— more than fond. I've wanted him almost as much as I've wanted you. I just... never really thought it was something I should do, you know? With how everything was.
[But there's a softness in how he keeps his touch on Mydei, how a weight on his shoulders seems to suddenly be lighter, for something he had never considered before. To have the chance for both, rather than forever feel stuck in between.]
When have you ever been concerned with 'should' and 'should not'?
[ the jab is gentle, fond, followed by Mydei turning his head a little more into Phainon's hand with a smile. he knows the answer to his question, of course, as duty colored their actions for too many cycles. who could blame Phainon for leaning back of old habits? on those things all but engraved into his very bones? ]
You no longer have to carry the world's burdens, Phainon. You are free to chase your own happiness rather than bleeding yourself dry to ensure the happiness of all but you. If that happiness lies with me and Anaxagoras then chase and claim it, hold onto it as tightly as you can.
[ he turns his head a little more, gaze locked on Phainon's face as he presses his lips to the man's palm. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
text; un: midnightfishing
just tell me if this is any good and if there's any bugs i should be worried about.
[attached: ashesofdestiny.exe
Dramatic as the title is, the game's narrative is not unfamiliar: it's about a Chosen One, in the aftermath of defeating an ancient monster and bringing back the sunlight, finding themselves at a loss for what to do now and delving into the ancient monster's mysterious origins, as well as helping their friends slowly recover after all the horrors of their journey. More than anything, it's a short, atmospheric kind of game, dwelling on the question of "now what?"
It's also buggy as all hell. Noctis clearly coded this together out of spare assets, duct tape, and too many Monster cans.]
no subject
[Still, to say that Phainon is excited to try this out is essentially an understatement. He’d gotten a computer within the past week, so he’s more than eager to try and see what this demo has to offer. So he downloads the demo and lets it load right onto his screen...
And that’s where the problems begin.
The game freezes at first in trying to even load into the screen, causing Phainon to end it with the task manager. After that, he tries again, and the same thing happens, causing a bit of annoyance on his end. The next bright idea is to try and run the demo in Administrator mode, which lets the window actually come up and show the opening sequence of the menu… and then promptly crashes right after. Trying any other method has the program continue to crash on his computer, until Phainon finally gives up, exhaling before he texts Noctis with the results.]
Uh okay. Good news first or bad?
no subject
it crashed didn't it.
[This is what he gets, he supposes, throwing something together late at night.]
no subject
More than once. Tried opening it and it crashed twice before I even hit the menu. I even went the "Open as Administrator" option, which had it get to the opening-
And it crashed again. So yeah.
no subject
[Sure enough, in a few hours, just before lunch, a new version of the game drops into Phainon's inbox. It's now working well enough to run mostly smoothly barring a few glitches (18), but nothing that crashes the game.]
text, un: polemos / post no good very bad beach episode
[ no explanation, no reason, only a single demand. ]
text > action
The Deliverer has to stare at the text for a moment, both curious and also a little confused as to the sudden request. But there's been no indication that anything is wrong, so he won't worry… much, at least.]
Sure. I'll be there. See you then.
[Unlike before, the Deliverer refuses to put himself into a place of complete fear and worry, and instead trusts that Mydei has a reason he wants him there at that time. He puts his concern aside and keeps himself busy, being sure to rest enough that he won't be chastised much if asked how long he slept.
Thankfully, the time passes quickly, and despite himself, he can’t help but arrive at the harbor just before dawn, as expected. Some things he just cannot change— being an early riser is one of them. The harbor's horizon is quietly painted a dark blue, and only the very very first signs of the morning are touching the edge like being kissed by the sun. He knows he won’t have to wait long.
And so it goes, with the light’s first rays touching the sky, that he sees Mydei. Phainon’s face lights up in seeing him, and he approaches with haste.]
Hey. I’m here. [He can’t help the smile that slowly comes to his face at seeing the other.] You wanted to see me?
no subject
tilting his head toward the white haired man Mydei exhales a breath through his nose, eyes opening to glance over at him. a mistake, that, as the sun's first rays catch Phainon's hair in a manner that makes him all but crowned by heavenly light. dammit. ]
I did, I do.
[ how does he begin? he knew he wanted to see Phainon in person but beyond that? he had not thought that far, his mind still shaking off the fog that had enveloped it. if anyone where to be able to clear it swiftly, it would be Phainon. ]
Do you remember our daily matches atop Okhema's rooftops? I'd see them begin again else you lose what skill you may have in this life.
no subject
Watching the other turn to him has the Deliverer pause, of course- and even start a little in surprise when he’s asked about sparring again. But truthfully, Phainon can’t help the laugh that comes right after, amusement and joy clear in his face.]
Of course I do. We’d spar so often people got used to hearing us clash and not worry about it anymore. [A beat, and he huffs in amusement.] But you want to go back to that? I’m more than game, Mydei. Better hope you can keep up, though.
text | un: skemma
I apologize for disturbing you out of the blue like this. I know that you and I have gotten off on the wrong foot, so far.
Would you be willing to speak in person?
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"Gotten off on the wrong foot" certainly is a way to say "I screwed up majorly and made you upset, and I'm sorry." At least, it seems that way, to Phainon.The message comes unexpectedly, and for the first time in a long while, the Deliverer has to sit with it and truly sort out his feelings. He knows it's childish, to act this internally hurt about not being told Anaxa was here. He knows his reaction about all of this has not been him at his best behavior in front of the people he loves. But in some ways, he feels like he's being left to the side, or not cared for, from the two people he has cared so deeply about in his past life, that he doesn't know how else to handle it.
So to see this message at least connect to where the hurt starts... it's manageable. Phainon can ignore the pain and see if talking with Anaxa might make things a bit more understandable for him overall. The reply comes quickly after that.]
Of course, professor. Is there any place that you have in mind?
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I've nothing particular in mind, no. I haven't had terribly many occasions to familiarize myself with the local offerings yet.
Perhaps we can meet at that park... and you can show me some place that you like to go to.
[ It's not weird. Is it? Just asking Phainon to take his professor to his favorite restaurant or coffee shop or what have you? Anaxagoras doesn't think about such things. He wants to understand what Phainon is feeling right now, and how he can set things to rights. That's all that matters to him. ]
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[Phainon knows normally he'd be beyond the moon, but the feeling is dampened a little by recent events. He exhales, trying to push past the feelings of hurt and realizes, in someways, that Anaxa is trying to give him an olive branch.
(Unfortunately, the fact that he recognizes it for what it is... doesn't really make him feel much better.)
Regardless, he isn't one to turn away someone he loves so easily.]
Oh, the coffee shop by my apartment? I'd be glad to take you there, yeah!
[Better for him to be open and listen to whatever Anaxa has to say, and maybe even sort out his own jealousy in the process.]
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A coffee shop? Yes, I think that will do nicely.
Provided I can find my way there without too much trouble, that is.
[ Or he can simply wander the city until he finds his way into the park. Hopefully Phainon lives near the one that's a little more landscaped, and not the one which houses the dromas. He doesn't want to walk all that way, even if he loves to visit the dromas... ]
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That works, then!
[Though that second part does make him pause, thinking.]
Where are you coming from? I can help you get there, I've been awake since August. I know the city pretty well.
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[ That’s a bold-faced lie. He was wandering the city talking to himself and being chased by geese. ]
I’m not certain that that makes things any easier for you. Please don’t think too much of it. This was a matter of convenience more than choosing favorites.
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[Even a phrase as short as that says multitudes. Anaxa did soften the blow, but it was still a blow nonetheless. Phainon stares at the message once, then twice, then several more times, unsure of how to even start again with any words at all.
Anaxa has been staying with Mydei. For a month. And neither of them had thought to tell him that Anaxa was in Kaisou, let alone living with Mydei at all. Not even once. It hurts. It hurts even with the concern to make the information easier to swallow. And he's certain that his beloved professor knows that this admittance will not make anything easier to take, compared to what he already has.
...so far, his reawakening into this life in Kaisou has had plenty of drawbacks.
It takes him a while to find anything to say to Anaxa, at that. More than ten minutes, as he types out words, then deletes them; types them out again, reads over it and then deletes them again. Nothing he says seems like the right thing to say- too upset, too emotional, too angry, even too withdrawn to make it seem like a fair conversation for the other.
Finally, he just decides to push past it. Any kind of response to how the both of them could have left him behind, or not considered him at all? It just comes across as jealous and selfish, and Phainon won't have that.]
That's fine. [It's not fine. But he can lie for the sake of holding face, he's had to do that since forever.] Actually, let me come get you, and we'll walk to the cafe together. It'll be quicker that way!
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He can tell that that was a mistake immediately, by the long lapse in Phainon's answers. Knows he's screwed up--though hopefully not irreparably. Is it so wrong that he'd taken the offer of a place to stay? Not on its own, no. But to take the offer from someone else Phainon is close to... and for him to find out this way...
Curse every last thing that calls itself a higher power. Why must it be so difficult to navigate the maze of human emotions? ]
That gives me the time to find a coat warm enough to fend off this infernal chill. If I had known it would get this cold here, I might have stayed in that burning simulacrum.
[ He means the labyrinth, of course... and its recreation of the fallen Grove. ]
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...He just doesn't know how to not feel somewhat betrayed by this. Like he's an afterthought, in some way. It's a mess. Phainon scrubs his face a little and reads what Anaxa has sent, pushing air through his teeth as he gets his own jacket.]
It won't take me long to get there, at least? So we won't be in the cold for very long.
[But that last part...]
Burning simulacrum... the Grove? You were in the Grove, professor?
[As he makes his way towards the door.]
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I have to say, it was rather jarring to go from the relative utopia of the Eternal Page to... that. I can't say which cycle, or what time period it might have been drawn from. Only that the whole of the Grove was aflame, and I was alone.
[ As he writes, he's already searching the house for a coat to borrow. It likely ends up being the same one he was offered on the previous excursion out of the house, heavy and dark and altogether much too large for his slender frame. It was... decent enough, then, so it should do for now.
With that coat secured in place around him, he'll make his way outside to wait for Phainon. Or.... to the foyer, at least. ]
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A labyrinth, sounds like. I remember talking about those when I was with the Order.
Be there soon!
[Doesn't really expand on that, at least not now. But he plans to, when he meets up with Anaxa.
Sure enough, though, Phainon arrives promptly at Mydei's place, in a thick coat with a hood over his head. Everything looks rather normal- except for the very obvious white fluffy tail that wags lazily back and forth behind him.
Someone got "gifted" with becoming part dog. He grins at seeing Anaxa, tail moving faster, and walks right up to him.]
Hey! There you are. Ready to get going?
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Unfortunately, all of those questions have to be saved for the moment his favorite student arrives in person. And in that moment, after spending several terribly long seconds staring at the wagging tail sticking out behind him (as though Anaxa is any better, now), he finds his tongue and starts off sharply. ]
I demand an explanation. Begin with what, exactly, a labyrinth is, and what purpose it serves. Is it yet another “typical” feature of this world? Are all travelers accosted by visions of their worst memories upon arriving here?
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...that is way too cute, actually. It causes Phainon to laugh a little, brow raising, before he moves and scoops Anaxa out from under his feet... and directly into a princess carry.]
I could tell you the answers, Professor, but I think we'd be better sitting down in the cafe, with something warm to drink first.
[Is he going to carry Anaxa there this way?? Hello????????]
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... Nor does the startled noise that slips out when Phainon scoops him up off the ground like a madman!!! In his bewilderment, he flails a bit, then hurriedly wraps his arms around his former student as though afraid that he may be dropped. ]
Phainon--!! Put me down this instant! I'm perfectly capable of walking on my own!
[ Don't mind the faint gold dusting his cheeks. It's probably from the cold. Yeah. ]
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Hold on, we'll be quick to get there.
[And off he goes, speed incredibly quick, but nothing too ridiculously fast that Anaxa can't handle. It cuts down their travel time immensely, and Phainon doesn't stop until he's right outside the door of the cafe.]
Still in one piece, Professor?
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--and then they arrive. Like nothing happened. Anaxa does not loosen his death grip on Phainon for quite a while, even then. ]
I... I can't... believe that you would do such a thing, put me down, right now.
text, un: polemos
[ not Deliverer today, just 'Phainon'. how odd. ]
Are you busy?
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Sorry about that, just got out of work.
I'm free now, though. What's on your mind, Mydei?
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You have a job? And here I thought all that you did all day was bask in the sun.
[ be nice, Mydei. ]
We need to talk. In person preferably. Lets meet at your place.
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Ha, ha. Yeah, I do- I work security for one of the admin buildings in the middle of the city. It pays well and I get to keep myself busy, so I don't mind it.
[Mydei, being nice with Phainon? Debatable.]
I don't have anywhere to be today, so that works. Do you want me to meet you somewhere first or should I wait for you here?
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[ there is something poetic about Phainon working as security, something that tugs at his heart a little. ]
Wait for me there. I'll be along shortly.
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[Mydei may not be able to see it, but Phainon's tail is wagging at the thought alone.]
Will do.
[Mydei hardly ever calls Phainon by his actual name, so he knows this is important. He's curious, honestly, of what all this is about- though he hardly doubts it's because something is wrong. The conversation would be far, far different if it was.
So there he waits, in his condo, the place recently cleaned and ready for whatever Mydei may be bringing with him. Both his ears and his tail are maybe a little to apparent in how excited he is at Mydei visiting his home, and even Snowy can tell Phainon is excited too.]
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[ he's true to his word, arriving at the condo little more than twenty minutes later with a couple of knocks. it's the only warning the other man gets before Mydei lets himself in, wholly unsurprised that the door is unlocked in preparation for his arrival. he casts a smile at Phainon as he turns his attention to Snowy, bending down to greet the dog with an affectionate pat. it's the rule, the unspoken rule, that he must greet Snowy before he does anything else!
duty completed his gaze flicks up to Phainon, to the ears poking out of that mess of hair, and the tail wagging behind him. had he been doing that the whole time? ]
I want to talk to you about Anaxagoras. [ inhale. ] And about my intentions regarding this relationship.
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Meanwhile, Snowy happily does a little jog at seeing Mydei, offering him a rumble of excitement, followed by a small chuffed bark. One of his favorite people is here!! The pets are incredibly well received, and Mydei is left to continue his conversation with Snowy's owner.
The subject, though, is not what Phainon is expecting to hear.]
...About the professor? [One of his ears lays flat while the other perks right up, and Phainon tilts his head. About Anaxa and their relationship...?] I'm listening.
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I care for you, desire you. That much should be obvious by this point. [ his gaze falls on a place just over Phainon's shoulder. ] You haven't approached me because you weren't certain whether or not my heart beats the same as yours. For a while I wasn't certain if what I felt was really me, or if it was memories from previous lives influencing my heart. Only recently have I realized they are one in the same.
[ he shifts his weight, taking another steady breath in. here comes the hard part. ]
It is because of that realization, because I care for like I do that you should hear this. I desire Anaxagoras just as I desire you, Phainon.
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I didn't want you to feel as if you were forced into anything. [A beat.] This is a whole new life for us both, you know? I wanted you to live how you wanted to, without me pushing anything.
[But the last part of Mydei's admittance causes the Deliverer to pause, mulling over the words and parsing them enough so he can understand.]
...You like both of us? [???????????????????????????????????????????
Phainon isn't complaining, he's simply trying to piece together what Mydei is saying. The way his face twists between surprise, a little disbelief, then to confusion- before it seems like something begins to click.]
And... you want both of us. [Closer. He frowns, just a little. Almost there-] .........you can do that?
[Oh, Phainon. You dork.]
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[ it's only then that Mydei properly looks at Phainon, his expression a mixture of exasperation and surprise. did the man really think you were limited to only one lover? sure, many people in this day and age take only one person for the majority of their life, but is it so odd to want more? ]
Despite what some would say, there is no rule limits you to only one partner. If your heart beats like theirs, the only thing stopping you from pursing that happiness is you. [ Mydei crosses the floor to stand in front of Phainon, arms hanging at his sides as he look over the white-haired man. ] If this changes how to you see me... I will understand.
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Or so he thought.
But now that Mydei’s told him otherwise, there’s something that sparks to life inside him. His tail wags energetically, and Phainon shakes his head.]
No, no— not at all, Mydei. I just... [He laughs a little, one hand casually going to Mydei’s cheek. His blue eyes are brighter than ever.] I don’t have to choose. I can have both.
[The concept is so new it almost startles him that he’s even allowed to have it. After so many memories of so many cycles where he suffered to keep others safe, a life where he isn’t required to give so much for others seems almost like a dream. He’ll take it for everything it’s worth.]
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So you desire him also? [ how comically that they find themselves wanting the same person as much as each other. ] I shouldn't be surprised. I remember how you spoke of him, how you looked at him. It was the same kind of heat I saw in your eyes when you looked at me.
[ a shiver runs down his spine at the memory, brilliant blues looking at him with barely contained desire. ]
Yes, you can have us both.
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Maybe one day he'll stop thinking he still has to carry as much as he had, back then.]I— [Phainon looks a bit embarrassed before he shakes his head and laughs at Mydei's statement.] I've been fond of him, no— more than fond. I've wanted him almost as much as I've wanted you. I just... never really thought it was something I should do, you know? With how everything was.
[But there's a softness in how he keeps his touch on Mydei, how a weight on his shoulders seems to suddenly be lighter, for something he had never considered before. To have the chance for both, rather than forever feel stuck in between.]
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[ the jab is gentle, fond, followed by Mydei turning his head a little more into Phainon's hand with a smile. he knows the answer to his question, of course, as duty colored their actions for too many cycles. who could blame Phainon for leaning back of old habits? on those things all but engraved into his very bones? ]
You no longer have to carry the world's burdens, Phainon. You are free to chase your own happiness rather than bleeding yourself dry to ensure the happiness of all but you. If that happiness lies with me and Anaxagoras then chase and claim it, hold onto it as tightly as you can.
[ he turns his head a little more, gaze locked on Phainon's face as he presses his lips to the man's palm. ]