[ Mydei remains stood, arms crossed across his chest as he tries to find the right words. it has been months of dancing around the thing that is so clearly hovering between them. touches in the midst of sparring, the new years kiss. this thing between them has been given no name, being barely acknowledge, and now that Anaxa is here and Mydei desires more than anything to hold him so painfully close. he needs to address it. ]
I care for you, desire you. That much should be obvious by this point. [ his gaze falls on a place just over Phainon's shoulder. ] You haven't approached me because you weren't certain whether or not my heart beats the same as yours. For a while I wasn't certain if what I felt was really me, or if it was memories from previous lives influencing my heart. Only recently have I realized they are one in the same.
[ he shifts his weight, taking another steady breath in. here comes the hard part. ]
It is because of that realization, because I care for like I do that you should hear this. I desire Anaxagoras just as I desire you, Phainon.
[He listens, blue eyes attentive and on Mydei as he speaks. When there's an acknowledgement of the unspoken love between them, Phainon can't help but smile softly.]
I didn't want you to feel as if you were forced into anything. [A beat.] This is a whole new life for us both, you know? I wanted you to live how you wanted to, without me pushing anything.
[But the last part of Mydei's admittance causes the Deliverer to pause, mulling over the words and parsing them enough so he can understand.]
...You like both of us? [???????????????????????????????????????????
Phainon isn't complaining, he's simply trying to piece together what Mydei is saying. The way his face twists between surprise, a little disbelief, then to confusion- before it seems like something begins to click.]
And... you want both of us. [Closer. He frowns, just a little. Almost there-] .........you can do that?
[ it's only then that Mydei properly looks at Phainon, his expression a mixture of exasperation and surprise. did the man really think you were limited to only one lover? sure, many people in this day and age take only one person for the majority of their life, but is it so odd to want more? ]
Despite what some would say, there is no rule limits you to only one partner. If your heart beats like theirs, the only thing stopping you from pursing that happiness is you. [ Mydei crosses the floor to stand in front of Phainon, arms hanging at his sides as he look over the white-haired man. ] If this changes how to you see me... I will understand.
[Phainon has never truly had a look on relationships beyond it simply being tied to one person. His parents, both in this life and the last, were together and that was that. No third person, no extra interested party. For all that he’s known, a relationship should just be two people.
Or so he thought.
But now that Mydei’s told him otherwise, there’s something that sparks to life inside him. His tail wags energetically, and Phainon shakes his head.]
No, no— not at all, Mydei. I just... [He laughs a little, one hand casually going to Mydei’s cheek. His blue eyes are brighter than ever.] I don’t have to choose. I can have both.
[The concept is so new it almost startles him that he’s even allowed to have it. After so many memories of so many cycles where he suffered to keep others safe, a life where he isn’t required to give so much for others seems almost like a dream. He’ll take it for everything it’s worth.]
[ Mydei leans into the touch instinctually, eyes searching Phainon's face for something he isn't quite sure of. the man doesn't leave him searching for long, his laughter followed by the realization makes the Kremnoan huff and shake his head. 'i can have both'. how foolish of him to think he ever had to choose, that any of them any had to choose. that he could want something for himself rather than give all of himself for others. ]
So you desire him also? [ how comically that they find themselves wanting the same person as much as each other. ] I shouldn't be surprised. I remember how you spoke of him, how you looked at him. It was the same kind of heat I saw in your eyes when you looked at me.
[ a shiver runs down his spine at the memory, brilliant blues looking at him with barely contained desire. ]
[This... this is familiar. This is home. The way Mydei leans against his touch, the way they speak, how they both understand each other in a way that requires little to no words. The sacrifice and the burdens they carried back then, now no longer with them in this life.
Maybe one day he'll stop thinking he still has to carry as much as he had, back then.]
I— [Phainon looks a bit embarrassed before he shakes his head and laughs at Mydei's statement.] I've been fond of him, no— more than fond. I've wanted him almost as much as I've wanted you. I just... never really thought it was something I should do, you know? With how everything was.
[But there's a softness in how he keeps his touch on Mydei, how a weight on his shoulders seems to suddenly be lighter, for something he had never considered before. To have the chance for both, rather than forever feel stuck in between.]
When have you ever been concerned with 'should' and 'should not'?
[ the jab is gentle, fond, followed by Mydei turning his head a little more into Phainon's hand with a smile. he knows the answer to his question, of course, as duty colored their actions for too many cycles. who could blame Phainon for leaning back of old habits? on those things all but engraved into his very bones? ]
You no longer have to carry the world's burdens, Phainon. You are free to chase your own happiness rather than bleeding yourself dry to ensure the happiness of all but you. If that happiness lies with me and Anaxagoras then chase and claim it, hold onto it as tightly as you can.
[ he turns his head a little more, gaze locked on Phainon's face as he presses his lips to the man's palm. ]
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I care for you, desire you. That much should be obvious by this point. [ his gaze falls on a place just over Phainon's shoulder. ] You haven't approached me because you weren't certain whether or not my heart beats the same as yours. For a while I wasn't certain if what I felt was really me, or if it was memories from previous lives influencing my heart. Only recently have I realized they are one in the same.
[ he shifts his weight, taking another steady breath in. here comes the hard part. ]
It is because of that realization, because I care for like I do that you should hear this. I desire Anaxagoras just as I desire you, Phainon.
no subject
I didn't want you to feel as if you were forced into anything. [A beat.] This is a whole new life for us both, you know? I wanted you to live how you wanted to, without me pushing anything.
[But the last part of Mydei's admittance causes the Deliverer to pause, mulling over the words and parsing them enough so he can understand.]
...You like both of us? [???????????????????????????????????????????
Phainon isn't complaining, he's simply trying to piece together what Mydei is saying. The way his face twists between surprise, a little disbelief, then to confusion- before it seems like something begins to click.]
And... you want both of us. [Closer. He frowns, just a little. Almost there-] .........you can do that?
[Oh, Phainon. You dork.]
no subject
[ it's only then that Mydei properly looks at Phainon, his expression a mixture of exasperation and surprise. did the man really think you were limited to only one lover? sure, many people in this day and age take only one person for the majority of their life, but is it so odd to want more? ]
Despite what some would say, there is no rule limits you to only one partner. If your heart beats like theirs, the only thing stopping you from pursing that happiness is you. [ Mydei crosses the floor to stand in front of Phainon, arms hanging at his sides as he look over the white-haired man. ] If this changes how to you see me... I will understand.
no subject
Or so he thought.
But now that Mydei’s told him otherwise, there’s something that sparks to life inside him. His tail wags energetically, and Phainon shakes his head.]
No, no— not at all, Mydei. I just... [He laughs a little, one hand casually going to Mydei’s cheek. His blue eyes are brighter than ever.] I don’t have to choose. I can have both.
[The concept is so new it almost startles him that he’s even allowed to have it. After so many memories of so many cycles where he suffered to keep others safe, a life where he isn’t required to give so much for others seems almost like a dream. He’ll take it for everything it’s worth.]
no subject
So you desire him also? [ how comically that they find themselves wanting the same person as much as each other. ] I shouldn't be surprised. I remember how you spoke of him, how you looked at him. It was the same kind of heat I saw in your eyes when you looked at me.
[ a shiver runs down his spine at the memory, brilliant blues looking at him with barely contained desire. ]
Yes, you can have us both.
no subject
Maybe one day he'll stop thinking he still has to carry as much as he had, back then.]I— [Phainon looks a bit embarrassed before he shakes his head and laughs at Mydei's statement.] I've been fond of him, no— more than fond. I've wanted him almost as much as I've wanted you. I just... never really thought it was something I should do, you know? With how everything was.
[But there's a softness in how he keeps his touch on Mydei, how a weight on his shoulders seems to suddenly be lighter, for something he had never considered before. To have the chance for both, rather than forever feel stuck in between.]
no subject
[ the jab is gentle, fond, followed by Mydei turning his head a little more into Phainon's hand with a smile. he knows the answer to his question, of course, as duty colored their actions for too many cycles. who could blame Phainon for leaning back of old habits? on those things all but engraved into his very bones? ]
You no longer have to carry the world's burdens, Phainon. You are free to chase your own happiness rather than bleeding yourself dry to ensure the happiness of all but you. If that happiness lies with me and Anaxagoras then chase and claim it, hold onto it as tightly as you can.
[ he turns his head a little more, gaze locked on Phainon's face as he presses his lips to the man's palm. ]